Some of my many posts on X.

>> 14:13 - Feb 19, 2025

    "do you think babies are jealous of other babies whose moms have bigger boobs. like a ‘my drink is bigger than yours’ situation"


>> 23:12 - Aug 15, 2024

    "theres bugs in your skin"


>> 23:22 - Jun 09, 2024

    "im jizzin my idiocy everywhere in this lowes"


>> 18:51 - Apr 24, 2024

    "Yes mom, chores before whores"

>> 13:31 - Feb 10, 2024

    "hi ma'am, is your husband single?"

>> 10:22 - Feb 09, 2024

    i kinda ran out of shit to say, so hi guys

>> 21:05 - Jan 05, 2024

    stop measuring your dick with a stopwatch, thats not how it works

>> 21:01 - Jan 05, 2024

    hi, yeah, can i have a large coffee, with... uhhh breastmilk and sugar? and *turns around* what do you want?

>> 15:53 - Dec 25, 2023

    tomorrow’s forecast: drinking with a chance of suicide. remember folks, stay safe out there

>> 17:07 - Dec 23, 2023

    my ears are fucking slippery for some reason and it makes listening with airpods an active 2 handed experience

>> 12:35 - Dec 22, 2023

    a space captain (me) hopping in the nearest ship (a 2007 Toyota Prius) to crush the nearby horde of mutineers (a family of four leaving the hospital) before the stims keeping me alive (an ungodly amount of cocaine) run out

>> 09:15 - Dec 22, 2023

    just saw some deranged mf (he looks like this: 👺) drinking strait from a bottle of grey goose with a straw and one of those drink umbrellas while removing his socks with his feet

>> 12:10 - Dec 20, 2023

    if you chug a bottle of vodka on december 31 at 2 pm, youll probably be projectile vomiting when the clock strikes midnight. still worth it though :)

>> 13:48 - Dec 19, 2023

    i feel like my christmas eve dinner will be identical to die hard. a guy smoking an ungodly amount in the attic while a bunch of germans hold me and my cousins in the basement. police will definitely get involved

>> 09:06 - Dec 13, 2023

    Being hot and funny is a full time job

>> 19:52 - Dec 12, 2023

    I wanna be swole enough that I can balance snaccs and a drink on my juicy tiddies while I code

>> 17:27 - Dec 12, 2023

    if god didnt want us to snort worms he wouldn't have made them cylindrical

>> 15:40 - Dec 12, 2023

    nothing puts a smile on peoples faces like getting away with a crime

>> 13:51 - Dec 12, 2023

    You don't have to spend money to make money, just get a job.

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